Laura Tichy-Smith, M.A.

My work experience as a newspaper copy editor and as a book manuscript writing coach and content editor provides me with an excellent background for grading students' writing assignments. What is editing, after all, if not a form of grading? The book manuscript editing I perform via email for distant authors, in particular, pertains directly to providing formative grading feedback to students in online classes. I provide these distant authors with annotated explanations of the grammar rules behind my edits of their manuscripts so that the authors learn how to avoid making the same mistakes when writing manuscripts in the future.

 

The example below is the transcript of an email conversation I had with publisher Kyle Miller of Jungle House Publications about some follow-up editing questions for author Sally Hanser's book, A Christmas Mouse in a Christmas House. (Ms. Miller also wrote one of the recommendation letters posted elsewhere on this website.) I requested permission of the publisher and author, who were kind enough to provide it, to include this particular example in my portfolio because the entire exchange about this book took place by email; I never met the author nor spoke to her on the phone. Also, since these are follow-up questions and they are for a short book (children's book), I chose this sample to provide a short example of my editing (grading) work without having to post a lengthy example, such as the edits required for a 200-page book.

 

- Laura Tichy-Smith

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EMAIL TRANSCRIPT:

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Subject: Follow-up edits for Sally Hanser's book

From Laura Tichy-Smith<Laura'sEmail@gmail.com>   

Wed, Apr 5, 2017 at 12:08 AM

To: Kyle Jungle House Publishing <Kyle'sEmail@aol.com>

 

HI Kyle, here are the follow-up edits:

 

KYLE'S QUESTION:

In the following sentence, there are four commas. We are wondering if they all are necessary:

"When finished, each breathed in a fresh new spirit, knowing that, in their own way, they had given the Baby all they had to give."

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

Yes, here is the explanation behind the four commas.

 

The comma after "When finished," sets off this introductory prepositional phrase.

 

The comma after "spirit" is there because the word "knowing" is the start of a nonrestrictive participle phrase that modifies the subject of the sentence.

 

The pair of commas before and after ", in their own way," are necessary because this prepositional phrase is nonrestrictive and interjects additional information. You see, the actual complete thought is "knowing that they had given the Baby all they had to give" and "in their own way" interjects additional information. By writing it the way that she did, Sally has, in fact, nested a phrase within a dependent clause, which is perfectly acceptable.

 

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KYLE'S QUESTION:

And, should there be commas in this sentence:

"Finally both tiny mouse and tall man skipped forward to the front of the altar and each placed a pencil next to Baby Jesus."

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

The word "Finally" in this sentence is an adverb, by itself, serving as an introductory element, so this one falls into the category of an optional comma. Had an entire phrase followed "Finally," we would have had to use a comma so that the phrase was clearly set off as such. But given it is a single-word adverb versus an adverbial phrase, options arise, despite what Microsoft spell checker claims. The reason I chose to leave it out is that the adverb did not seem to be interjecting incidental information in this case. The passage of time for mouse and man to complete their chosen task, as indicated by this adverb that describes closure after an extended period of time, seems to be essential information in the sentence because it indicates that they made some investment into this chore. They were not sharpening just two or three pencils. However, if you and Sally decide that the length of time to complete the task is merely incidental, then take the option to insert the comma. But in doing so, understand that it creates a subtle shift in the meaning that makes the gift given by mouse and man less substantial. You wouldn't think so much meaning could ride on a single comma, but it can. (Granted, probably only someone like me would catch this consciously, but I like to think that these things do have some impact on people at the subconscious level.) 

 

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KYLE'S QUESTION:

Is this sentence ok?  "Then a soft, warm glow of love crept into that little chapel on the hill."

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

When looking at a series of adjectives, one must always consider what the adjectives are modifying. Yes, technically, they are all modifying the noun (or pronoun), but they can also be cumulative adjectives that modify the ones that come after them on their way to also modifying the noun. So, whenever looking at an adjective series, it becomes necessary to apply some tests.

 

Test 1: Could the word "and" be substituted for the comma, as in "a soft 'and' warm glow"?

Test 2: Could the adjectives be changed in order and still make sense, as in "a 'warm, soft' glow"?

Test 3: Do the adjectives layer, or accumulate, in meaning?

Example: Timmy found four Easter eggs.

The words "four" and "Easter" modify the noun "eggs," but does "Timmy found Easter four eggs" make any sense? How about "Timmy found four and Easter eggs?" So, this one gets no commas between the adjectives because they are cumulative.

 

Since "a warm, soft glow" passes tests 1 and 2 and test 3 does not pertain, the comma placement is correct.

 

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KYLE'S QUESTION:

Another question: "Miss Mouse nodded, "Yes," as her little..."  Are the commas ok?

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

It appears this references page 17 where Miss Mouse is nodding in the affirmative when the man offers to warm her with his coat. This one is an interesting judgement call on the commas because Miss Mouse is not speaking; rather, it is an observation written, in the third person, of her communicating via body language rather than speaking. If it had been actual spoken dialog, then the commas after "nodded" and inside the quotation mark after "Yes" (with the "Yes" capitalized) would have been required.

 

However, in the version of the manuscript that you sent to me, the "yes" enclosed by quotation marks to indicate body language is in lower case and not capitalized. This, along with the third-person description of the sentence indicated this was more observational in intent rather than emphasizing the communication. That said, your choices would be either to have "yes" in lower case and use no commas, or, if you chose to capitalize the "Yes," then it would have to have the comma after "nodded" and the comma after "Yes."

 

The stylistic choice that you and Sally need to make is to answer this question about the sentence: Do you want to emphasize the communication aspect of the sentence or the third-person observation aspect of the sentence?

 

If emphasizing the third-person observation, use no commas and make "yes" lowercase. Another way of emphasizing the third-person observation would be to change it to read, "Miss Mouse nodded her head up and down as her little …." in order to render it purely descriptive of the body language and remove the potential confusion of it being dialog or violating the punctuation and capitalization rules for dialog. I assume Sally's intent was merely to convey what direction Miss Mouse was moving her head. However, if emphasizing the communication, add the commas and capitalize "Yes."

 

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KYLE'S QUESTION:

Also:  "The old man swiveled around as he, too, heard the noise."  OK?

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

The word "too" when used to mean "also" or "as well" is classically set off by commas on both sides if it occurs mid-sentence (or set off by a single comma before it when it is the last word of a sentence). Some style manuals are starting to loosen up a bit on this rule, hence some of the confusion, just as confusion ensued when the Oxford comma was dropped by Associated Press in the 1970s. Personally, I say keep the commas on both sides of it. In particular for this text, any grandparents reading the book to a grandkid would assume a typo had been made if the commas were not there because they were schooled by the old rule.

 

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KYLE'S QUESTION:

"She studied his worried face, and wondered if... " Do we need a comma after "face"?

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

Do not place a comma after "face" in this sentence. The reason is that "wondered," which is situated after the "and," lacks a subject of its own and has to kind of borrow "she" from the beginning of the sentence in order to have a subject. Here is how you test it to be certain as to whether or not you have a compound sentence, which would require a comma before the conjunction:

 

Step 1: Stick a period before the "and," where you think you might put the comma, and see if the sentence makes sense. Consider "She studied his worried face." Does it make sense? Yes, it does because it has a subject and a verb to make a complete sentence (subject "she" and verb "studied").

Step 2: Strike out the conjunction (in this case "and").

Step 3: Capitalize the  next word after the conjunction to start a new sentence (in this case "Wondered").

Step 4: Read the new second sentence out loud and see if it makes sense. In this case, the new second sentence would be: "Wondered if his life had been filled with years of smothered dreams, lost opportunities, and past regrets." Did that make any sense? No, it did not because we don't know who is doing the wondering. This indicates that the second part of the sentence is dependent upon borrowing the subject of the first part ("She") in order to make sense, so therefore it cannot be separated from that subject by putting the comma in the way before "and."

 

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KYLE'S QUESTION:

Hi, While you are at it, what do you think of this sentence:

 "And finally, if you listened very carefully, you could hear a cardinal singing in the distance as if to say, "All is well."

 

LAURIE'S REPLY:

I like this sentence better than the version in the March 14 edit of the book. It is more in keeping with the language level of the target audience. It is punctuated correctly, and here is why.

 

The ", if you listened very carefully," is a prepositional phrase that indeed does need set off by the double commas. The punctuating of the message intent of the cardinal's song as if it were spoken dialog is appropriate in this case because the intent is to emphasize the meaning that is being read into the bird's song. This intent is signaled by using the words "as if to say," before the meaning is revealed. This contrasts sharply to the description of Miss Mouse nodding her head earlier in the book because that one seemed merely to be a way of clarifying any confusion as to what direction she was bobbing her head. This sentence, on the other hand, is interjecting the third-person narrator's interpretation of what the bird is attempting to communicate with its song, thus requiring dialog-style punctuation and capitalization.

 

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OK, let me know if you have any questions,

Thanks --Laurie